Giants Take On Giant Sized Task.

Romania. The work needed to be done on Casa Poporului, the Romanian Parliament turned out to be far from normal but Karl Borg & Igor Chelzabon aren’t your normal construction workers. The construction turned out to be a giant sized task so Casa Poporului hired giant sized workers. Karl Borg & Igor Chelzabon suffer from gigantism, a rare disease that affects the pituitary gland causing it to release excessive amounts of growth hormone. Both men, from the small town at the base of the Viştea Mare Mountain, are in their late 20’s but neither is expected to see their 30th birthday. Members of Parliament maintenance board were worried that bringing in large cranes needed to lift the 4,000 lb pillars in place could damage the already fragile foundation of the 400 year old building, that was when Regen Popescu, head of the Parliament preservation office remembered seeing a two man giant team perform when he was on holiday in Mureş. “They made me laugh” says Regen, smiling as he remembered the two dim witted giants as they stumbled around under a drafty circus tent, lifting audience members and elephants effortlessly into the air. When Regen saw the heavy lifting needed to be done at the Parliament building he contacted the small circus and hired both men. They are given a place to sleep and meals and attract large crowd of people who come to watch the slow moving gentle giants lifting pillars and hoisting concrete girders in place. Igor, apparently suffering from a stroke, collapsed and fell onto the east wing of the parliament building, completely destroying the Senate chambers and killing 137 of the 140 members. Construction is expected to begin as soon as Karl is able to remove Igor’s paralyzed body.

“Twins Successfully Surgically Conjoined by Doctors”
AP. Emily and Megan Twill were born as normal healthy girls says their mother, Katrina Twill. But the Twills have had one dream for their children, “We’ve always wanted to have conjoined twins, says Bill Twill. On Friday a team of 13 Doctors successfully conjoined Megan and Emily at the chest, and fused their hearts and stomachs. “They are facing years of grueling difficult surgeries”, says head surgeon Dr. Wallace Headen, “We will be fusing more vital organs and eventually both girls will be sharing one renal, intestinal and digestive system.”

Congratulations Dan, you're a farmer!
**photos enhanced to make Dan look as bad as possible**

Local Doctor, Jerry Showalter, tells patient, “Uranus has two additional moles and two faint rings never observed before.” “The new moles, which were named Mab and Cupid, bring the total number of moles around Uranus to 27.” "Sometimes you find things you aren't looking for," Showalter said. "No one thought this region of Uranus was very interesting." As it turns out, that region is turning out to be very interesting, because the chaotic flatulence’s coming from it. The system is so unstable that Showalter thinks the methane gasses will collide and smash each other to bits one day and cause a gigantic shart, though probably not for a million years or so.

Richard Smith poses by his tv which he used to view pornographic videos

Central Illinois Man Accused Of Porn On Computer

POSTED: 7:35 am EST December 21, 2005

Peoria, IL. – An unmarried Peoria man has been accused of having pornographic images on his computer and cache of videos and magazines portraying nude women.
The state's Judicial Qualifications Commission said Richard Smith habitually viewed pornography on his home computer. The charges say Smith’s mother saw the images while cleaning Smith’s room.
Smith was also accused of making improper comments to a female UPS delivery driver who was delivering, what turned out to be more pornographic paraphernalia Smith had ordered using that same computer.
The reports said Smith failed to properly hide his collection when his mother came into his room with out knocking.
The 34-year-old, un-employed man said he will make every effort to rapidly resolve the charges.
Smith announced last week that he won't seek re-election after3 years as the moderator of Dungeons and Dragons role playing internet club, citing "rumors and half-truths." Smith will relinquish his post when his term ends in January 2006.
The charges could result in anything from a fine to removal of his internet privileges.
Smith’s 70-year-old mother, who was shocked at the images that where in his “My Documents” folder, stated she has never seen such filth and.” those women should be ashamed".

Ben Charlton, a local hotel manager, collapsed following an impromptu performance of “White Christmas”. Charlton sang the holiday favorite after a rather long lunch break with fellow employees. Before the song was finished, Charlton told his employees he felt sick and then said, “I love you guys”. Witnesses reported that Charlton collapsed in an elevator and was rushed by an ambulance to the hospital. His front desk clerk confirmed the report but would not give further details or provide Charlton’s condition.

A certain man had two sons:
12And the eldest of them said to his father, Father, give me the portion of goods that falleth to me. And he divided unto them his living.
13And not many days after the elder son gathered all together, and took his journey into a far country which was called Hawaii, and there wasted his substance with riotous living.
14And when he had spent all, there arose a mighty cost of living in that land; and he began to be in want.
15And he went and joined himself to a citizen of that country; and he sent him into his stores to be a security guard.
16And he would fain have covered his belly with the shirts that the locals did buy: and no man gave unto him.
17And when he came to himself, he said, How many hired servants of my father's have meat-loaf enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger!
18I will arise and go to my father, and will say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee,
19And am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thy hired servants.
20And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and drove his Dodge Colt out to meet him, and fell on his neck, and kissed him.
21And the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in thy sight, and am no more worthy to be called thy son.
22But the father said to his wife, Bring forth the best sweater, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet:
23And bring hither the fatted calf, and kill it and make meat-loaf; and let us eat, and be merry:
24For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they began to be merry.
25Now his youngest son was working in the local hotel: and as he came and drew nigh to the house, he heard music and dancing and police scanners.
26And he called one of the neighbors, and asked what these things meant.
27And he said unto him, Thy brother is come; and thy father hath killed the fatted calf and thy mother hath made meat-loaf, because he hath received him safe and sound.
28And he was angry, and would not go in: therefore came his father in his Dodge Colt out, picked him up.
29And he answering said to his father, Lo, these many years do I serve thee, neither transgressed I at any time thy commandment: and yet thou never gavest me meat-loaf , that I might make merry with my friends: All thou hast given me has been old popsicles from the freezer.
30But as soon as this thy son was come, which hath devoured thy living with harlots in Hawaii, thou hast killed for him the fatted calf and hath made meat-loaf.
31And he said unto him, Son, thou art ever with me, and all that I have is thine, including my collection of commemorative Presidential plates.
32It was meet that we should make merry, and be glad: for this thy brother was dead, and is alive again; and was lost, and is found.
-Welcome back Will

CHICAGO — Nurse Julie Patterson is suing a former male patient for allegedly trying to distribute and profit from a sex tape she says the two recorded with the agreement they would never make it public.
The lawsuit filed Monday in Superior Court seeks general and compensatory damages as well as a temporary restraining order and injunction prohibiting the sale and exploitation of the videotape.
Patterson, 24, accuses Roberto Sanches of trying to distribute the tape through an intermediary. The two had an intimate relationship 1 1/2 years ago and both agreed that the 115-minute tape that shows the couple having sex would be jointly owned by them and would remain private, according to the suit.
Sanches could not be reached for comment. A call to a phone number listed for his revealed the number had been disconnected.
A message left for Patterson's attorney was not immediately returned Monday. However; her attorney denied that any hospital equipment was used in the making of the video, except for cotton swabs, miscellaneous IV bags, a catheter and the use of a bed with stirrups.
The lawsuit also accused the 31-year-old man of working with the owner of an Internet pornography business and contacting the news media about the tape.
"Defendants' outrageous attempt to capitalize on the celebrity of plaintiff Julie Patterson ... through their unauthorized commercial exploitation of the highly private and confidential videotape exceeds all bounds of common human decency," the lawsuit states.
Patterson has since moved from her luxury apartment high atop a big chimney and is now seen frequenting lurking the IKEA men’s restroom in Schaumburg.

Americans burning porn to cut heating costs

As US heating costs spiral to all-time highs, American homeowners are turning to burning porn in special stoves to reduce their energy bills. Sales of porn-burning stoves have tripled this year and distributors across the country have been sold out for weeks.

"We are actually taking deposits for products for next fall - it's all you can do," said Ed Hiscox, owner of furnace retailer Hiscox Sales and Service in Valparaiso, Indiana, in the middle of the US porn belt.

Once relegated to farmhouses and cabins, porn-burning and more common wood-burning stoves began growing in popularity four years ago among environmentally-minded consumers interested in cheaper and renewable energy sources.

Porn-generated heat costs less than a fifth of the current rate for propane and about a third of electrical heat, according to Mike Haefner, president of Minnesota-based American Energy Systems. Of course DVD’s and magazines are the only type of porn that can be used for fuel, however, scientist are studying was to generate fuel from internet porn. Homeowners report savings of anywhere from 600 to 1,500 dollars a year, says Haefner. "The savings are phenomenal.”

Because of the space needed to store the porn burned in the stoves, they are more popular in rural communities and suburbs than in big cities.

Turkey farmer Rick Undesser doesn't have to go far to get porn for his stove.

"We make our own porn so it's kind of handy to have," Undesser told AFP in a recent interview at his Bristol, Illinois farm. "It starts real easy and it keeps us real warm."

"I'm always falling in the tub with small electrical appliances" -Dan

I fell off the roof again today, man is it steep.

Places Will Hasn't Been #6:
In front of a giant snail with Julie

Places Will Hasn't Been #5:
Standing behind Julie and her friends in a parking lot

DEAR DIARY,

I saw two unicorns on the way to work this morning. What a beautiful sight. One was reading the paper while he waited on the bus. The other was just smoking and watching people walk by. I think they were together, but I couldn't tell for sure... what a strange coincidence if two completely unrelated unicorns would happen to meet at the same bus station. One of them made eye contact with me, but knowing how confrontational they can be, I quickly averted my eyes and walked on.

3 Ways to Prevent Anal Fires

1. Make sure anus is cleaned annually

2. Always carry a working fire extinguisher in pants

3. Always keep at least a three-foot space between anus and open flame


(over 30,000 deaths each year are caused by anus fires)

See Ben, I told you that this wasn't allowed, but no, you went ahead and did it and fell off got stuff everywhere...and you hurt yourself too, didn't you? Who's laughing now?

The electrical outlets behind Mr. Oswald are not grounded, I certainly hope that the Dallas Police have corrected this code violation.

This Just In:

I finally killed the fly that had been defying me for nigh unto a week. Special thanks to Julie who gave me much needed support and encouragement.


"Let em say we're crazy, I don't care about Pat"
-misquoted Jefferson Starship

Ben's live toilet cam